Everybody’s Talking About Polly!

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I love a good memoir, and personally, I have been trying to piece one together off and on for years. Well, some sex culture revolutionaries manage to get past the “someday” and into the “somehow”. Polly Superstar has done just that. Her memoir is not just good, it’s great! It actually started as a manual on how to throw a Kinky Salon party and turned into stories and self reflections on her contributions to San Francisco and the larger history of sexual revolutionary culture. I recently had a chance to sit and talk with Polly about herself, the book, and some of her visions for the future. Be sure to watch all three!

Meet Polly!

Polly’s Book

Polly’s Vision

This post is part of the Polly: Sex Culture Revolutionary Virtual Book Tour. If you make a comment in the thread below you’ll be automatically entered in a chance to WIN a LIMITED EDITION signed hardcover copy of Polly: Sex Culture Revolutionary.

The comedian Margaret Cho called it “Raw, untamed, emotional beauty–Polly is a true supernova. This memoir is as touching as it is hot, as moving as it is a masterpiece.”

Buy your copy of Polly: Sex Culture Revolutionary
Join Polly’s mailing list bit.ly/pollyslist
Check out Polly’s website
Follow Polly on Twitter
Get updates from Polly on Facebook
Click the image below to check out the other exciting stops on the tour.

Polly's Blog Tour

 

 

Kinky Curiosity: Finding A Perfect Provider

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Recently, I’ve received several queries from folks interested in Escorts who provide kinky services. In fact, with the film production of “fifty shades of gray” to be released in February, we will probably see more possibilities to not only discuss kink more openly, but probably also see more Escorts offering BDSM services.

I know some people feel as though it’s already controversial to discuss escorting in the United States, and further, it’s even more controversial to, (gasp), place escorts in the same category as Dominatrices, but I say that any escorts who enjoy and practice kink activities, at the very least, could be considered Kink Providers. Examples of distinctions between these job titles exist all over the world, especially in areas where sex work, if not overtly legal, is at least, more generally accepted. As you can see from thispage for example, prostitution is legal in half of the world. Oddly, it claims the US as being “limited legally” which gave me a chuckle since clearly we are barely even there.

In any case, in Australia and France where I lived for awhile, being able to find a good professional was as simple as contacting an appropriate service to assist you in your career choice. I’m not sure how things are these days, but a quick internet search brings up a cute site called Escorts and Babes Out of Oz that offers a wide array of choices all over the continent. In France, I did not find much BDSM and escort combined, but was able to find several directories quite easily. Generally, I gotFetishgirls.com  which seems to have a lot of serious play. Locally to SF my top hit was Slixa, which has other locations and a BDSM “Verification” process for their kink providers, which can assure a bit more authenticity sometimes.

Of course, there are lots of options out there and choosing a professional is not as straight forward as it may seem. Building skills to find an appropriate match is imperative. Here are a few suggestions to finding a well suited kink provider:

Know What you Want: Or even what you don’t want! Starting with three basics that you want and one thing for sure you don’t want is great, but what if even that approach is too daunting? Look at images on websites. What compels you to make contact in the first place? Did you like the look of the lingerie, and if so, do you imagine it on you or the provider? What kind of porn do you watch? What do you imagine when you masturbate? What definitely is a “boner kill” for you? Do you imagine yourself on top, bottom, or both? Finding honesty with your provider so that you can fully engage in what turns you on will build trust and safety so you can have fun. They can tell you politely whether your interests are on par with their own. Trust them!

Ask Questions Not an interrogation, but like any other professional, you are engaging in possibilities of working together. Be sure to ask the important questions around interests, skill level, if equipment is being use, what quality? and what standards of cleanliness and skill level do they have? Working professionals with ethical views will not be insulted by such queries. They will see you as an informed client who cares, and that is someone we all want to work with!

Take Your Time If you are new to all of this, try not to rush out and grab the first person who looks good to you. Think about your reasons for seeking a provider. Is it for the experience?Is it for excitement? Are you seeking long term exploration? Do you seek a surrogate until you are ready to date again? Different providers specialize appropriately. Take the time to get yourself acquainted with the field and with yourself. Of course, taking the time to seek counsel can be quite instrumental these days. Like matchmaking services, Kink Coaches can help you find the perfect professional for hands on play. Once again, a quick search pulled up a full first page from the US, the UK, and Australia right away!

On a final note, remember that sex is not only a form of recreation, it’s the foundation to life, and an excellent tool for self discovery. Whatever your path be at the moment, be good to yourself and those around you. Self care comes in many packages. When you take care of your sexual health, you will be a happier person and a sexier person too.

Kinky Curiosity: Finding A Perfect Provider 

/in /by

Recently, I’ve received several queries from folks interested in Escorts who provide kinky services. In fact, with the film production of “fifty shades of gray” to be released in February, we will probably see more possibilities to not only discuss kink more openly, but probably also see more Escorts offering BDSM services.

I know some people feel as though it’s already controversial to discuss escorting in the United States, and further, it’s even more controversial to, (gasp), place escorts in the same category as Dominatrices, but I say that any escorts who enjoy and practice kink activities, at the very least, could be considered Kink Providers. Examples of distinctions between these job titles exist all over the world, especially in areas where sex work, if not overtly legal, is at least, more generally accepted. As you can see from this page for example, prostitution is legal in half of the world. Oddly, it claims the US as being “limited legally” which gave me a chuckle since clearly we are barely even there.

In any case, in Australia and France where I lived for awhile, being able to find a good professional was as simple as contacting an appropriate service to assist you in your career choice. I’m not sure how things are these days, but a quick internet search brings up a cute site called Escorts and Babes Out of Oz that offers a wide array of choices all over the continent. In France, I did not find much BDSM and escort combined, but was able to find several directories quite easily. Generally, I got Fetishgirls.com  which seems to have a lot of serious play. Locally to SF my top hit was Slixa, which has other locations and a BDSM “Verification” process for their kink providers, which can assure a bit more authenticity sometimes.

Of course, there are lots of options out there and choosing a professional is not as straight forward as it may seem. Building skills to find an appropriate match is imperative. Here are a few suggestions to finding a well suited kink provider:

Know What you Want: Or even what you don’t want! Starting with three basics that you want and one thing for sure you don’t want is great, but what if even that approach is too daunting? Look at images on websites. What compels you to make contact in the first place? Did you like the look of the lingerie, and if so, do you imagine it on you or the provider? What kind of porn do you watch? What do you imagine when you masturbate? What definitely is a “boner kill” for you? Do you imagine yourself on top, bottom, or both? Finding honesty with your provider so that you can fully engage in what turns you on will build trust and safety so you can have fun. They can tell you politely whether your interests are on par with their own. Trust them!

Ask Questions Not an interrogation, but like any other professional, you are engaging in possibilities of working together. Be sure to ask the important questions around interests, skill level, if equipment is being use, what quality? and what standards of cleanliness and skill level do they have? Working professionals with ethical views will not be insulted by such queries. They will see you as an informed client who cares, and that is someone we all want to work with!

Take Your Time If you are new to all of this, try not to rush out and grab the first person who looks good to you. Think about your reasons for seeking a provider. Is it for the experience?Is it for excitement? Are you seeking long term exploration? Do you seek a surrogate until you are ready to date again? Different providers specialize appropriately. Take the time to get yourself acquainted with the field and with yourself. Of course, taking the time to seek counsel can be quite instrumental these days. Like matchmaking services, Kink Coaches can help you find the perfect professional for hands on play. Once again, a quick search pulled up a full first page from the US, the UK, and Australia right away!

On a final note, remember that sex is not only a form of recreation, it’s the foundation to life, and an excellent tool for self discovery. Whatever your path be at the moment, be good to yourself and those around you. Self care comes in many packages. When you take care of your sexual health, you will be a happier person and a sexier person too.

Folsom Flavors and More…

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 Originally published at eveminax.com on September 19, 2014

Welcome to Leather Week here in San Francisco! The attached image is me with a “friend” at Folsom Street Fair 2010. So much going on this week: leather history with Cleo Dubois and Fakir Musafar, a talk on the history of the Folsom Street Fair with the inimitable Gayle Rubin, parties galore…

and the list of events go on, including:

Lock and Load: From Tie and Tease to Chastity Please! at bond.com through kink.com and the Armory this Saturday September 20th and it’s Sold out! Come check out the festivities anyhow. It should be stimulating;)

Next on the agenda, we have a couple of spots left in the next Women’s Erotic Dominance Intensive. It will be the last one this year, so if you’ve been on the fence about taking it, now’s the time. Go here for more info: http://www.sm-arts.com/wp/weekend-intensives-2/erotic-dominance-intensive-for-women-45/

Save the Date: Tuesday October 21st at the SF Citadel the premiere of “Making Messes of Men in Dresses! Feminization for Fun, Frolic, and the Future”. As some of you may know, I take “feminization, cross-dressing, gender play, etc” very seriously and I have an amazing time doing it. I hope you’ll join me in this bound to be fabulous frenzy of feminization!

Finally, I am super proud and happy to announce the opening of “Eve’s Rumpus Room and Sensual Parlor” at a private location in the Potrero Hill are of San Francisco. Not only am I conducting private sessions, I am also offering it as a Erotic Sleepover Spot and hourly play space. Here is a rough first listing on airbnb. I also have it listed on Fetlife (I’m Minax there), but please feel free to inquire directly for more information.

In love and kink,

Eve

Searching For Love: Three Ways to Find a Kinky Partner

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Several years ago, I was dining with an acquaintance who was a therapist. Chatting casually with mutual interest, midway through the meal she puts down her fork and looks at me from across the table and asks “do you think if we lived in another world, your work would not exist”? Now, assuming she meant a world of sexual happiness and fulfillment, I looked her square in the eye and responded, “no, but neither would yours”. This is not to say that sex educators and dominatrices are therapists, (although we offer therapeutic work), but that we do NOT live in a society without neurosis, hence relationship problems and general societal malaise. That’s why there are service providers who can assist our relationship needs in every sense of the word.

I’ve always said that people in kinky or  BDSM relationships are not really different from “vanilla” or “mainstream” folk in that they still must find ways of communicating to their partners their wants, needs, and desires. In a word, they have to have strong relationship skills. Of course, it could, and has been argued, that people who practice BDSM tend to have healthier relationships, and I would suggest it is because they tend to be more honest and transparent with their partners, which alleviates a lot of guilt, shame, and general bullshit that muddles connection. 

Half the battle in finding a partner who you can communicate with easily though may take some leg work. Through eliminating the possibility of guilt or shame around your desires by being with someone who is already on the same page as you, or at the very least open minded and interested in kink, you create more space for parity in relationship. Assuming you are “out” about your proclivities and hope to find a partner, how do you go about doing it? 

Here are a few ways you can go about finding a kinky partner in life and love:

Dating Sites. There are now many sites that exist solely to help you find your mate! How to choose? One great site that carries a wealth of information and also has many forums for discussions and meetings around kink is Fetlife . Like Facebook, you set up a profile etc. unlike facebook, you can remain completely private while doing so. Sweet! There are also sites out there specifically geared towards dating where you can choose the type of person, education level, location, kink interests and in most cases, even the physique. Finding a Dominant Woman, for example, you might go here. Or looking for a D/s specific relationship? Try Collarspace. Of course there seems to be something for everyone out there. Look what popped up when I simply googled “Foot Fetish Dating”. Dating is not easy – even in the so called normal world. Let some of these sites do half the work for you!

Munches and Meet Ups. Hey, what about walking away from your computer and meeting people live and in person? On the fetlife.com website listed above you can not only find discussion groups but also find a plethora of groups/munches meetings where people interested in kink/bdsm have a nosh in a public and non threatening environment, (ehem, like a restaurant), and they meet live. I just did a quick search in Omaha Nebraska and found two, better than nothing! And the social site http://www.meetup.com also has many offerings for people of similar interests wanting to meet up. Bigger cities have more options. I just did a quick search on kink in Idabel, OK and nothing came up, but the good news is you can create your own. Afraid of being outed? Try putting in something less obvious like sexuality or sexual education or even alternative relationships. Who knows what might happen! 

Consult a professional. In my work, I’ve had many clients come to me discouraged around finding a partner with whom they can be open sexually, and in working with me, they have eventually made their fantasies reality! See http://bondassage.com/fairy-tales-can-come-true-by-eve-minax/  for more on that. Kinky dating does not have to be a struggle. I can help you from the start of the process (online dating to meet ups to partnering and how to discuss and make play happen in relationship) through other intricacies like polyamory, children, etc. I also have a vast array of colleagues I can refer you to. Check out my website http://www.eveminax.com or http://www.eveminax.com or google in your area for an amazing professional who is willing, able, and skillful at helping you find a kinky partner. 

I’d say Good Luck! but you won’t need it if you do the right thing in making it all happen. how about Happy Hunting?

xoEve

Folsom Flavors and More…

/in , , /by

Welcome to Leather Week here in San Francisco! The attached image is me with a “friend” at Folsom Street Fair 2010. So much going on this week: leather history with Cleo Dubois and Fakir Musafar, a talk on the history of the Folsom Street Fair with the inimitable Gayle Rubin, parties galore…

and the list of events go on, including:

Lock and Load: From Tie and Tease to Chastity Please! at bond.com through kink.com and the Armory this Saturday September 20th and it’s Sold out! Come check out the festivities anyhow. It should be stimulating;)

Next on the agenda, we have a couple of spots left in the next Women’s Erotic Dominance Intensive. It will be the last one this year, so if you’ve been on the fence about taking it, now’s the time. Go here for more info: http://www.sm-arts.com/wp/weekend-intensives-2/erotic-dominance-intensive-for-women-45/

Save the Date: Tuesday October 21st at the SF Citadel the premiere of “Making Messes of Men in Dresses! Feminization for Fun, Frolic, and the Future”. As some of you may know, I take “feminization, cross-dressing, gender play, etc” very seriously and I have an amazing time doing it. I hope you’ll join me in this bound to be fabulous frenzy of feminization!

Finally, I am super proud and happy to announce the opening of “Eve’s Rumpus Room and Sensual Parlor” at a private location in the Potrero Hill are of San Francisco. Not only am I conducting private sessions, I am also offering it as a Erotic Sleepover Spot and hourly play space. Here is a rough first listing on airbnb. I also have it listed on Fetlife (I’m Minax there), but please feel free to inquire directly for more information.

In love and kink,

Eve

The Fruits of Our Sex Positive Labor

/in /by

Teaching is fantastically underrated and yet it never fails to give me a sense of accomplishment. One of my intrinsic core values is knowledge, (both sides, teaching and learning), hence, I am a long time advocate of sharing and exchanging knowledge. Secrets (around knowledge) do not intrigue me as I know we cannot know all, so telling all will only unveil more. It seems that as soon as I think I know everything, other aspects will develop. Hence, my unending quest for knowledge. Knowledge does not emerge in a vacuum however, it is developed over time and experience and with others. Today, I am going to speak to the power of knowledge, collaboration, and laboring on what you love.

I’ve been presenting on BDSM for almost 15 years and have some pretty wild stories to tell, but some of the most meaningful stories come from working with others. My primary and initial collaboration is with Cléo DuBois assisting the Academy of SM-Arts as a long term instructor on kink and bdsm, with a particular focus on Sensual SM, D/s dynamics, Role Playing, and Feminization, (these are a few of my favorite things:). The gratitude I feel when working with the students and the amazing volunteers we have over the years is immeasurable. These weekend long Intensives are life changing experiences, no doubt about it. I learn something new every time. And being able to call Cléo a friend and colleague all these many years is a blessing and a terrific indicator of the power of collaboration.

I’m not so lucky in some ways, but when  it comes to the gift of collaboration and sex positivity I’m super lucky! Over time and magical connections,  I’ve also had the fortune of working with our one and only Urban Tantrika, Barbara Carellas , tossing ideas with the glorious Sex Positive Artist, (who dubbed me a Pleasure Artist), Ms Annie Sprinkle, feeling supported by the invincible Carol Queen, and having hilarious fun with the inimitable Alice from Alice In Bondageland. Of course, there have been so many others over the years, (apologies if not named here), and my deepest appreciation is with you all.

The amazing Jaeleen Bennis, my friend and colleague, (do you see a pattern here? lol),  suggested we collaborate on a series of Master Classes for both Bondassage and Elysium. She and I have been in cohoots for over six years and it has always been pleasant and profitable, including our  book baby Of course, the Master Class collaborative work began months ago, and the manifestation of those efforts proved worthwhile. The class was a blast! Of all my work, besides clients, I really love working with colleagues, fellow professionals, you know, “sisters” in the work. We don’t need to discuss morality or other rhetorical games, we simply get to exchange that precious knowledge and sink into the comfort of each other for awhile, knowing that we can simply “be”.

It was a day long seminar, but it flew by in no time. First we started with protocol procedures…what can you do differently with each recipient of your touch? How do you decide? Since we are dealing with individuals and not cookies, we get to design our approaches according to needs and desires. Speaking of which, I rarely feel competitive as I think we all have somebody who will appreciate our artistry for our unique print upon it. That’s why having a template of Bondassage is so useful. Like Julie Andrews said “Some people regard discipline as a chore. For me, it is a kind of order that sets me free to fly.” Bondassage offers the discipline of the approach, the structure of the content, and then the practitioner gets to create her own scene. What glory!

As professionals, we get the chance to create the electrical energy rushes that exhilarate and liberate, and each of us brings our own special talents. The practitioners in this seminar (and all classes I have taught with them) had all kinds of wonderful tricks up their sleeves: nifty restraint, specialized body slides, edging techniques, fun toys and more esoteric wonders, we shared and played and laughed and worked. And back to Jaeleen, can I just say that some of her tips and tricks astound me? So simple, so practical, and yet in my 15 years, I’ve not thought of them. I use several regularly, just ask!

So, as we move into a day of tribute to “American’s Workers” , I’d like to express deep gratitude for my fellow practitioners in all fields  of sexuality and of course the special clientele who help support our work. Thank you so much. Let’s keep up the work and understand our own value, even if society does not sometimes.

Happy Labor Day!

labor_day

 

The Fruits of Our Sex Positive Labor

/in , /by

Teaching is fantastically underrated and yet it never fails to give me a sense of accomplishment. One of my intrinsic core values is knowledge, (both sides, teaching and learning), hence, I am a long time advocate of sharing and exchanging knowledge. Secrets (around knowledge) do not intrigue me as I know we cannot know all, so telling all will only unveil more. It seems that as soon as I think I know everything, other aspects will develop. Hence, my unending quest for knowledge. Knowledge does not emerge in a vacuum however, it is developed over time and experience and with others. Today, I am going to speak to the power of knowledge, collaboration, and laboring on what you love.

I’ve been presenting on BDSM for almost 15 years and have some pretty wild stories to tell, but some of the most meaningful stories come from working with others. My primary and initial collaboration is with Cléo DuBois, assisting the Academy of SM-Arts as a long term instructor on kink and bdsm, with a particular focus on Sensual SM, D/s dynamics, Role Playing, and Feminization, (these are a few of my favorite things:). The gratitude I feel when working with the students and the amazing volunteers we have over the years is immeasurable. These weekend long Intensives are life changing experiences, no doubt about it. I learn something new every time. And being able to call Cléo a friend and colleague all these many years is a blessing and a terrific indicator of the power of collaboration.

I’m not so lucky in some ways, but when  it comes to the gift of collaboration and sex positivity I’m super lucky! Over time and magical connections,  I’ve also had the fortune of working with our one and only Urban Tantrika, Barbara Carellas, tossing ideas with the glorious Sex Positive Artist, (who dubbed me a Pleasure Artist), Ms Annie Sprinkle, feeling supported by the invincible Carol Queen, and having hilarious fun with the inimitable Alice from Alice In Bondageland. Of course, there have been so many others over the years, (apologies if not named here), and my deepest appreciation is with you all.

The amazing Jaeleen Bennis, my friend and colleague, (do you see a pattern here? lol),  suggested we collaborate on a series of Master Classes for both Bondassage and Elysium. She and I have been in cohoots for over six years and it has always been pleasant and profitable, including our book baby. Of course, the Master Class collaborative work began months ago, and the manifestation of those efforts proved worthwhile. The class was a blast! Of all my work, besides clients, I really love working with colleagues, fellow professionals, you know, “sisters” in the work. We don’t need to discuss morality or other rhetorical games, we simply get to exchange that precious knowledge and sink into the comfort of each other for awhile, knowing that we can simply “be”.

It was a day long seminar, but it flew by in no time. First we started with protocol procedures…what can you do differently with each recipient of your touch? How do you decide? Since we are dealing with individuals and not cookies, we get to design our approaches according to needs and desires. Speaking of which, I rarely feel competitive as I think we all have somebody who will appreciate our artistry for our unique print upon it. That’s why having a template of Bondassage is so useful. Like Julie Andrews said “Some people regard discipline as a chore. For me, it is a kind of order that sets me free to fly.” Bondassage offers the discipline of the approach, the structure of the content, and then the practitioner gets to create her own scene. What glory!

As professionals, we get the chance to create the electrical energy rushes that exhilarate and liberate, and each of us brings our own special talents. The practitioners in this seminar (and all classes I have taught with them) had all kinds of wonderful tricks up their sleeves: nifty restraint, specialized body slides, edging techniques, fun toys and more esoteric wonders, we shared and played and laughed and worked. And back to Jaeleen, can I just say that some of her tips and tricks astound me? So simple, so practical, and yet in my 15 years, I’ve not thought of them. I use several regularly, just ask!

So, as we move into a day of tribute to “American’s Workers” , I’d like to express deep gratitude for my fellow practitioners in all fields  of sexuality and of course the special clientele who help support our work. Thank you so much. Let’s keep up the work and understand our own value, even if society does not sometimes.

Happy Labor Day!

 

labor_540

Sex Life Work Life and Chastity in September!

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Los Angeles with Catalyst Con West

 

Fascinating and Frustrating: When Your Sex Work Becomes Your Sex Life
Amy Butcher, Eve Minax, Sinclair Sexsmith, TT Baum
#cconwork

Saturday Sept 13th

As sex positive professionals, sometimes what we do for work becomes the only sex we have. Whether you are the sex geek academic whose writing and teaching have taken the passion out of the physical act, the escort who must choose between lovers and clients, or the porn actor whose personal love making feels scripted, all of us experience these phenomena in one form or another.

Also, most people, inside and outside of the sex industry, can assume that we as sex positive professionals are regularly having lots of great and easy sex. But this is not always the case. As much as we talk about sex, the sad thing is we rarely talk about how our work impacts our sex lives. How do we find balance between our professional scenes, and our private bedrooms and play-spaces? Who do we confide in when our partners just don’t understand? What do we do when our client boundaries get fuzzy as we forget that we need intimacy too? How has your sex life changed since you have become a sex professional?

Join Eve Minax, Sinclair Sexsmith, Amy Butcher, and TTBaum as they bring this unspoken subject out into the light for dialogue, discussion and some creative problem solving!

http://catalystcon.com/sessions/

12:00 pm – 1:30 pm San Francisco Armory

Lock and Load: Extreme Tease and Denial through Milking, Forced & Ruined Orgasms and Chastity Training

Tease and Denial is truly delightful for all involved. Advanced techniques for controlling orgasms can have a remarkable impact when sexually training your slave.

Come learn how to take your tease and denial to the next level. We will discuss forced orgasms, and ways of taking what is normally pleasurable and making it painful. Chastity training is central to any regimen of orgasm control, so we will discuss general considerations, specific devices, and chastity games that one can play. And what would chastity be without those wonderful accompaniments: ruined orgasms, prostate milking, and extreme teasing? Find out how to keeping the plumbing in order while still keeping your slave denied and on the edge of their seat. This class encourages Dom/mes/subs of all genders and the demo will be determined by best suited applicant.

 

http://bondcon.com/workshops/

Seeking Handy Folk and Sincere Artists

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I’ve been getting more and more Interior Design work lately, and as I do, I also get painting, electrical, upholstery and general handyman requests. Sometimes specialized projects are needed.

Looking for kink friendly individuals/teams who are reliable, efficient, and par excellence.

Please contact eve@eveminax.com with references and a brief history/CV and for more information.

Thanks,

Eve
415 994 2887