BDSM education by San Francisco Dominatrix, Eve Minax

BDSM and Kink education blog by Mistress Eve Minax

Five Books for Kink/Poly Beginners

September 30, 2015/in BDSM Education /by eveminax

I was just responding to a follow up email from a wonderful couple who started working with me last week and I wanted to give them a few options on reading material for their newfound kink and potential polyamory. It seemed logical to share them with you also!

These five have ranked in my “go to” and return to books that discuss kink and/or polyamory.

~Come Hither

Brame

~Screw The Roses, Send Me the Thorns

Devon and Miller

~The Ethical Slut

Easton and Hardy

~ Consensual Sadomasochism

Henkin and Holiday

~Opening Up

Taormino

Although I LOVE all of them, I would certainly appreciate having additional options for POC, People with Different Abilities, Senior/Mature sex especially in regards to Kink/BDSM.

What are your thoughts?

In Love and Kink,

Eve

Addendum: many folks have pointed out to me that The Bondassage book, written by me and Jaeleen Bennis is a great beginner tool to take it from sensual to kinky, and that I am remiss in not mentioning it. Call it my Midwest modesty, but it seemed to forward to put it in, apologies!

Professional Dominants (and others’) BDSM Resource List

May 14, 2015/in BDSM Education /by eveminax

In preparing for my presentation today“If I Knew Then What I Know Now:
50 Things Every Up and Coming Professional Should Know!” at DomConLA, I realized I have an INCREDIBLE amount of information and resources I have been compiling over the years! As it continued to grow, I realized some links were down and there are many more resources out there. So for now, I am going to compile this as a blog post and I ask for your help in making it more comprehensive. Also, although this compilation is primarily Professional related, I also want to create a more comprehensive directory for everyone. So, please read through, find some new ways of educating yourself around BDSM and Kink, and be sure to comment with more possibilities, (queers, furries, chastity folk etc – you know who you are!!!).

xo Eve
Professional Dominant and BDSM/Kink Education

In Person Live Training:

Me! I offer in person, long distance, individual and group classes
Eve Minax
Mistress Minax
Annual Professional Dominant Intensives/Erotic Dominance Intensive for Men and Women
Cleo Dubois Academy of SM-Arts
Rope Dojo and Forte Femme

Bondassage Professional Training Program

Tantric Based SM: Urban Tantra Professionals Training and Coaching

POC Specific:

Women of Color Sexual Health Network

POC BDSM info

Business Coaching

Conferences all over the US, but the “go to” for Professionals is DomCon LA and Atlanta

A few other favorite conferences, not necessarily for the professional:

A wonderful small gathering on the East Coast Camp Crucible
Portland Kinksters seem to “get it” KinkFest
One of the most revered of all BDSM conferences Thunder in the Mountains
Stellar conferences and classes all over the US Dark Odyssey

Online Training and Education

Kink Academy
Kink University

Professional Dominants Community Resources

The Scene: DomBoss

Max Fisch – The Hang

All Star Dommes

Fetlife (with groups for professionals)

Professional Dominants Marketing Resources

Backpage

Pandemos Mistress Directory

DDI (Domme Directory International) Magazine and Directory

Eros Guide

Other World Kingdom

Legal Resources and Activism

Recent legal article on California laws:

Actual California prostitution laws (dry):

SWOP (Sex Workers Outrech Project) USA:

Sex Workers Activists and Allies

Bound Not Gagged (blog covering legal, cultural and political issues around sex work):

Sex In The Public Square (pro- sex work, sex positive activism blog)

Desiree Alliance (Sex worker advocacy and support):

International focus on sex work and activism:

Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance

National Coalition for Sexual Freedom

Kink Aware Professionals: Resources of all sorts, primarily therapists

Triple x law

ACLU American Civil Liberties Union

Equipment/Toys/Gear

Stockroom Los Angeles Store and online

Mr. S Leather

Fort Troff – best toys and prices Online

Clothing

Beautiful Custom Corsetry, San Francisco

Superb Custom Corsetry Los Angeles, CA

Fun semi custom latex clothes, UK (online)

Lust Designs custom latex clothing SF, CA

Everybody’s Talking About Polly!

December 17, 2014/in BDSM Education /by eveminax

I love a good memoir, and personally, I have been trying to piece one together off and on for years. Well, some sex culture revolutionaries manage to get past the “someday” and into the “somehow”. Polly Superstar has done just that. Her memoir is not just good, it’s great! It actually started as a manual on how to throw a Kinky Salon party and turned into stories and self reflections on her contributions to San Francisco and the larger history of sexual revolutionary culture. I recently had a chance to sit and talk with Polly about herself, the book, and some of her visions for the future. Be sure to watch all three!

Meet Polly!

Polly’s Book

Polly’s Vision

This post is part of the Polly: Sex Culture Revolutionary Virtual Book Tour. If you make a comment in the thread below you’ll be automatically entered in a chance to WIN a LIMITED EDITION signed hardcover copy of Polly: Sex Culture Revolutionary.

The comedian Margaret Cho called it “Raw, untamed, emotional beauty–Polly is a true supernova. This memoir is as touching as it is hot, as moving as it is a masterpiece.”

Buy your copy of Polly: Sex Culture Revolutionary
Join Polly’s mailing list bit.ly/pollyslist
Check out Polly’s website
Follow Polly on Twitter
Get updates from Polly on Facebook
Click the image below to check out the other exciting stops on the tour.

Kinky Curiosity: Finding A Perfect Provider

December 3, 2014/in BDSM Education /by eveminax

Recently, I’ve received several queries from folks interested in Escorts who provide kinky services. In fact, with the film production of “fifty shades of gray” to be released in February, we will probably see more possibilities to not only discuss kink more openly, but probably also see more Escorts offering BDSM services.

I know some people feel as though it’s already controversial to discuss escorting in the United States, and further, it’s even more controversial to, (gasp), place escorts in the same category as Dominatrices, but I say that any escorts who enjoy and practice kink activities, at the very least, could be considered Kink Providers. Examples of distinctions between these job titles exist all over the world, especially in areas where sex work, if not overtly legal, is at least, more generally accepted. As you can see from this page for example, prostitution is legal in half of the world. Oddly, it claims the US as being “limited legally” which gave me a chuckle since clearly we are barely even there.

In any case, in Australia and France where I lived for awhile, being able to find a good professional was as simple as contacting an appropriate service to assist you in your career choice. I’m not sure how things are these days, but a quick internet search brings up a cute site called Escorts and Babes Out of Oz that offers a wide array of choices all over the continent. In France, I did not find much BDSM and escort combined, but was able to find several directories quite easily. Generally, I got Fetishgirls.com which seems to have a lot of serious play. Locally to SF my top hit was Slixa, which has other locations and a BDSM “Verification” process for their kink providers, which can assure a bit more authenticity sometimes.

Of course, there are lots of options out there and choosing a professional is not as straight forward as it may seem. Building skills to find an appropriate match is imperative. Here are a few suggestions to finding a well suited kink provider:

Know What you Want: Or even what you don’t want! Starting with three basics that you want and one thing for sure you don’t want is great, but what if even that approach is too daunting? Look at images on websites. What compels you to make contact in the first place? Did you like the look of the lingerie, and if so, do you imagine it on you or the provider? What kind of porn do you watch? What do you imagine when you masturbate? What definitely is a “boner kill” for you? Do you imagine yourself on top, bottom, or both? Finding honesty with your provider so that you can fully engage in what turns you on will build trust and safety so you can have fun. They can tell you politely whether your interests are on par with their own. Trust them!

Ask Questions Not an interrogation, but like any other professional, you are engaging in possibilities of working together. Be sure to ask the important questions around interests, skill level, if equipment is being use, what quality? and what standards of cleanliness and skill level do they have? Working professionals with ethical views will not be insulted by such queries. They will see you as an informed client who cares, and that is someone we all want to work with!

Take Your Time If you are new to all of this, try not to rush out and grab the first person who looks good to you. Think about your reasons for seeking a provider. Is it for the experience?Is it for excitement? Are you seeking long term exploration? Do you seek a surrogate until you are ready to date again? Different providers specialize appropriately. Take the time to get yourself acquainted with the field and with yourself. Of course, taking the time to seek counsel can be quite instrumental these days. Like matchmaking services, Kink Coaches can help you find the perfect professional for hands on play. Once again, a quick search pulled up a full first page from the US, the UK, and Australia right away!

On a final note, remember that sex is not only a form of recreation, it’s the foundation to life, and an excellent tool for self discovery. Whatever your path be at the moment, be good to yourself and those around you. Self care comes in many packages. When you take care of your sexual health, you will be a happier person and a sexier person too.

Four Common Mistakes Masochists Make

April 16, 2014/in BDSM Education /by eveminax

by Eve Minax

If you were to dig around the web or your local library, you will find a plethora of fictional and nonfictional work discussing the masochist. In fact, the term itself came from the surname of the man who wrote the original classic “Venus in Fur”, Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch (see below). Of course, like the proverbial chicken and the egg, one is not sure which came first – the sadist or the masochist. In order to give us an accessible definition of sadist and masochist we will simply say that a sadist is a person who derives erotic pleasure and or gratification out inflicting pain on others, ideally masochists. The masochist derives erotic gratification from receiving pain from the sadist. There have been many arguments over the years as to who wields the power in this dynamic, however, my concerns today are not around the power dynamic in as much as around questions of how a masochist can better develop and grow with the sadist.

Oops, I Forgot My Safeword!

April 9, 2014/in BDSM Education /by eveminax

In the realm of BDSM and kink play, safe, sane and consensual rests as the buzz phrase to encourage newcomers to join (we’re safe!), illicit normalcy (we’re not crazy!), and utilize tactics to insure we’re all in this together (we all agreed it was ok … right?).

Let’s look at our phrase a little more closely. Safe: I will never hurt you physically or mentally. Sane: I’m not certifiable, I promise! Consensual: I will only do to you what we have previously agreed upon or what I know you like.

Sounds easy, right? Not so fast … how does one maintain a long term status of being “safe, sane, and consensual”? Well, mostly through referrals based on their humanity and appropriate observance of safe words. “Safe words” are often used to confirm “consensuality” but they are also often used as tactics in a covert war of passive aggressivity. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE safewords. Safewords used well are great indicators of limits that can tell you in a moment without dropping scene where your bottom is at. And as a top, you can ease off, toy with that limit for a bit, or push it, depending on the bottom and their psychological and physical state.

Awesome, you say, let’s run out and do a gang rape scene with a safe word – careful there. Many people have little emotional land mines of psychic waste that may emerge only in scene. Something may come up for them or for you that you never expected. More often than not, in play, psychic waste can be triggered by the simplest of phrases, (I know a woman who cannot be called “baby” in scene), causing the triggered person to become overwhelmed and often distressed to the point that only years of therapy can help.

Noticing when you are pushing your bottom to the point of their safe word, even if they do not call it requires being present and fully observant of your bottom, because guess what? Due to stoicism, ignorance, (thinking you want them to “take it’), or endorphins flying so high they don’t feel the over extension of their boundaries, they will not always use their safe word and oh yes, someone will probably get hurt.

Does this mean “playing” (what a fun term), is better off when done “safely”… ok honey, I will just pat your ass and call you kitten … No. Playing will always push someone’s boundaries at some point. Talking/negotiating is paramount, whether it’s for 10 mins or an hour, start somewhere and establish a safe word. Compassion comes in handy for both the top and the bottom to forgive any unintentional misdeeds. You must be able to forgive yourself and forgive the other. And finally, are you committed to continuing the play? Be honest.

But first a word from our sponsor … I have a gazilion years of experience and I still fuck up. Yes, once in a blue moon or every 14 years I fuck up. I recently had a little mishap where I called a player out on a rape fantasy. Too real. He lost his trust in me in the moment and called his safe word. No worries, we resolved the scene and scheduled another time to play.

We are special people (the naked horned beast’s), chosen ones. We know what it’s like to be abused and therefore we abuse no one. My personal favorites are the ones who know the fine line. I like to take and kidnap them through seduction or coersion, it doesn’t matter …

Clothes off, wallet or purse locked tight in a safe or better yet, thrown away … all their own doing … they are mine to do with what I will. I like towering over my helpless “victim” tightly bound in bondage and squirming beneath me, afraid and defiant simultaneously. We know it’s a game and yet it seems so real. They are naked, exposed, and completely vulnerable to my vast array of whims. What will it be today? Shall I beat them with a sjambock until they beg for mercy? Shall I take them over my spanking horse, tightly bound, administer a hot soapy enema and rape their ass repeatedly, or perhaps I will apply electricals to their genitalia and watch them scream and squirm, wanting more and yet absolutely terrified at how far I can go, we can go together.

People are afraid of themselves at the end of the day.

Finally, I say, I can do all three, I can do whatever I want because, 1. We have a safe word or 2. We have no safeword.

My most recent “no safe word” subject and I have been playing for years. In fact, he is featured in some of my most masochistic videos. I have even been asked on numerous occasions how much negotiating was done prior to our play. None, I respond, his only limits are bodily fluids, which make me often taunt him with them anyhow 😉

Ultimately, the safe word will not matter, because I have been cognizant of their psychic and physical space and I know what I’m doing – and so will you if you pay attention.

Bottom line: live and learn, live and learn.

Addendum: Look up RACK (or Risk Aware Consensual Kink) or read this wonderful piece on Consent by Flaming June.

Tip-Top: 10 Ways of Being a Great Top!

April 1, 2014/in BDSM Education /by eveminax

If you read last week’s blog, then you learned about how to be a great bottom. In honor of reciprocity and equal responsibility, this week’s blog will be on How to Be a Great Top! You will find the similarities astonishing.
Read more

Five Books for Kink/Poly Beginners

Professional Dominants (and others’) BDSM Resource List

Everybody’s Talking About Polly!

Kinky Curiosity: Finding A Perfect Provider

Four Common Mistakes Masochists Make

Oops, I Forgot My Safeword!

In the realm of BDSM and kink play, safe, sane and consensual rests as the buzz phrase to encourage newcomers to join (we’re safe!), illicit normalcy (we’re not crazy!), and utilize tactics to insure we’re all in this together (we all agreed it was ok … right?).

Tip-Top: 10 Ways of Being a Great Top!

Subscribe to My Newsletter

Propensity + Experience = Wisdom

Pages

Categories

Archive