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Can BDSM Help a Relationship?

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Can BDSM help a relationship? I’d like to think so. Whether the relationship is new and you’re exploring or it’s mature and you are searching for new ways of connecting, there is a HUGE spectrum of choice for everyone. If you’re like me, variety is the spice of life. I liken it to soup- some people have a consommé daily, some people mix it up a bit with clam chowder Fridays, or some people have a different soup each day. It’s all up to you, and your partner(s) of course!

In a word, BDSM can help you know yourself better and if you know yourself well, you’ll be a better partner; and with better partnering comes great joy. I’ve been writing and teaching about kink, BDSM, healing, personal growth, and relationships for twenty some years. Fact? The reason I am still so passionate about this work is because I am a sucker for personal growth and development. There are an infinite number of reasons why and how BDSM can help you and your relationship. Listen to this interview or ask me directly. I’m here to help.

Here’s a wonderful interview with Shameless Sex Podcast. I hope you find it useful and as always, I value your thoughts and questions!

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Mistress Eve

Some Thoughts on Dominance and Submission

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As a devoted Dominatrix, I think about and practice Dominant/submissive relationships. The conflux of dominance and submission is ambiguous at best: how about control and surrender? Indeed, all relationships involve power exchange, usually implicit or ignored.  D/s relationships represent power exchange with a twist: explicitness. They are intentional in that they acknowledge the intrinsic elements of power dynamics of an established rapport with another.They are service driven. They develop further exploration of said dynamics usually in the form of ritual. Some “D/s” relationships have been “forced” on us through the years, eg…parents, bosses, etc…and some, we actively seek out and/or at some point in our lives wish to analyze and develop. The main reasons I am drawn to D/s as a Dominant is that I am service driven, curious how power dynamics in relationships work, and hold a great desire to see them perform more harmoniously.

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bdsm advice and sexuality education

Agree to Disagree: Forgiveness is Easy, Walking Away is Hard

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Ever felt like you were beating your head against a wall in a romantic or even kink based relationship? Why do you try so hard when all the other person does is shrug everything off? Perhaps it even seems as if they LIKE being yelled at? They often respond to anger more readily than discussion.

New research wants to tell us about “agreeableness” in partners.  If you are agreeable you forgive readily, at least more readily than the non agreeable or unforgiving types. As a person who often responds angrily to transgressions, but always eventually forgives, I find this article both intriguing and frustrating. My habit is, if forgiveness feels good,  do it until it doesn’t feel good or “right” – or until you recognize it just won’t matter. This is all assuming that the you and your partner are discussing said behavioral aspects and feelings around them as you go along. Once it no longer feels good, Stop. I mean it. Stop.
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